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Doorstop · Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:18 pm Post subject: The Super Bowl.

One of my best mates, I've spoken about him before on this forum .. "Jimmy Allan", played for a spell with the Glasgow Lions American football team.

He took his appointment very seriously and shortly after getting a first team place decided he should stop using borrowed equipment and buy his own. So he did so. The new equipment arrived and he went to his first 'full' practice session with all the assorted pads, cushions, impact absorption devices that Rugby players don't need.

After about three quarters of an hour he realised that his new shoulder pads were chafing quite badly as they had not been sufficiently worn in. After a hour he was in agony .. which he discovered, after practice, was due to friction burns on his trapezius/deltoid area from the green protection gear having not been 'worn in' previously.

Now .. Jimmy is an incredibly vain man and I have to concede it would have took an immense power of will to admit he was having problems to his failed NFL colleagues but he did so, and he was given an invaluable P.O.W. from the same. His NFL compadrés told him that this was not an uncommon complaint in professional football players and the solution was a simple one.

Baby Powder.

Liberal ammounts of Johnsons Baby Powder at the contact points would alleviate the friction 'tween beast and yoke.

The next game he followed the advice and piled the talcum over the affected area and donned his protection, strip, bad attitude and ran onto the field .. cheered on by the assembled crowd and the nubile Cheerleading team.

He played his position (Nose Tackle) in his usual fashion, Jimmy is F*UCKING double hard, and that's coming from me .. I'm just a bit hard when compared to him so make your own determination, so within minutes he was placed in the position of taking a key player in the opposing team COMPLETELY out of the game.

The play was set.

The calls were made.

The Huutspa began and Jimmy did what he had been told to do .. he fired off from his position toward the poor, poor bastard he had been told to flatten with the intention of leaving his target nothing more than a red mark on the turf.

Halfway there, however, two equally nasty, 20 stone plus individuals on the opposing team had decided he should be stopped .. with 'extreme prejudice'!!

They plowed into him at an extreme rate of knots - from opposite directions - resulting in a loud, LOUD, involuntary yelp as all the wind was knocked from his substantial lungs accompanied by a humongous mushroom cloud of talcum powder erupting from the neck of his shirt.

He then dropped to the grass .. his instincts telling him to get to his feet but his lack of oxygen telling him 'Canny happen!!'

He didn't last long on the team after that .. not because he was at fault .. no, because he couldn't stand the slagging of being known as the "Smoke Screen Scotsman".

*True Story*
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james73 · Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:37 pm Post subject:

Kwality tale, Doorstop.

James H
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cybers · Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:43 pm Post subject:

Noo thats monday started with a snigger ... the rest of the week should be a breeze...
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Doorstop · Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 3:22 pm Post subject:

Cheers gentlemen.

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Scary · Black Pudding supper Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 558

Yer man got off lightly there DS... If he worked with me he would have been nicknamed Powder-Puff

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