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Killer Clowns In Transit Vans In The 1990's.Hi folks,
I originally posted this up on my blog (www.alancook.wordpress.com) on March 2010 but I thought I'd tweak it a little and put it up on here.
I hope this is the right forum.
I was reminded of this by a Facebook conversation with my Sister:
I’ve thought about it and tried to find things online about it.
I found about 2 mentions of it on the entire internet and they were pretty useless.
Here’s how I remember it…
Sometime around 1991 when I would have been 9,
There were rumours of men going around Glasgow & Lanarkshire (Where I lived) in transit vans dressed as clowns.
Royal Blue Transit Vans.
The story goes that these guys were escaped psychopaths from Carstairs Hospital hell bent on disfiguring and murdering children in the area.
Myth? Rumour? It probably was but friends of mine who are the same age as me and from different parts of Scotland have told me that the story was around in their schools at the same time too.
I think that there must have been something in it.
Just enough truth to build on y’know?
Because I remember an assembly being held in my School.
All the children were told to go straight home at the end of the day and “If you even see a Royal Blue Transit Van children, Run!”
…Like all Holy Hell all the way home.
That was always at the front of our minds when we walked home everyday.
We’d talk about it on the way and the stories (Probably invented by our imagination) grew and grew.
I grew up in Mossend which is a wee part of Bellshill.
I know for a fact that the Bellshill clown story got mixed up with another local story.
In Mossend when I was really young, there was a gypsy camp a stones throw from my house.
Apparently, there was a gypsy called Tommy who would cut both sides of your mouth open then pin you down and tickle you whilst jig-sawing your face with a blade.
In Bellshill at the time, that wasn’t that far fetched.
I’m laughing like a looney tune as I’m typing this!
It’s funny now but see when you’re 7?
It’s fecking far from funny my friends!
Far from it.
I don’t mean to go off on tangents but I need to tell you this:
Later when I was 12, I made friends with a gypsy girl whose name I’ve long forgotten.
She stayed in a caravan at the camp near my house and one day she invited me to her home and her Dad goes:
“Who’s this then?”
She said: “Oh this is just Alan from School”.
Then her Dad goes: “Well nice to meet you Alan. My name’s Tommy”.
I instantly thought to myself: “It’s Tommy The Gypsy!”
I nearly had a massive stroke right there and then folks!
Anyways back to 1991:
That ‘Tommy The Gypsy’ story got lumped in with the clown Story and it became:
‘Psychopathic men dressed as Clowns going around knifing and kidnapping and jig-sawing children’s faces in a Royal Blue Transit Van’.
I’m almost positive that it made the papers at the time but I haven’t found anything yet.
One time when me and my pal Stephen were walking through a lane,
A Transit Van pulled up slowly blocking the bottom of the lane.
That lane was our only way home.
We fecking rocketed right down passed that van and Stephen gave the back doors of it a boot and shouted something imaginative like “fcuk YOU! YOU CLOWN FUCKS!”
(Even as kids we knew how to swear!)
…But I couldn’t give the van a kick.
I was too scared.
But then again,
Most kids’ experience of clowns in 1991 was Ronald McDonald.
My folks let me see and read whatever I liked.
My experience of clowns in 1991 was Pennywise!
If any of this even rings a slight bell with you, please post your stories here on this blog ‘cause I’d love to hear them.
Especially if you grew up in Lanarkshire or Glasgow.
Even if you’re from anywhere else actually!
If you have a similar story involving Clowns, post it here and we’ll try and get to the bottom of this.
I’m not scared of Clowns.
I’m 28 Years Old.
But all the same,
I’m still really wary of Royal Blue Transit Vans.
Urban Glasgow will no doubt clamp down on my swearing and rightly so.
It's not big and it's not clever but sometimes, it's needed.
There are some interesting replies to this under the original article on my blog.
Here's the link:
Clowns in Transit vans instantly reminded of 'Restless Natives' - came out in the mid 80's but would probably have had its TV airing around that time
yip ,that is what sprung to mind for me.well the film and the great theme tune.
And who can forget that immortal polis line in the joke shop..
"Dae yi huv any false tits"
The car/motorbike chase through Lochgoilhead is still probably the most exciting thing to have ever happened there since the ice age
|Dr Scallopboy wrote: |
|The car/motorbike chase through Lochgoilhead is still probably the most exciting thing to have ever happened there since the ice age |
Loved that film...just watched it recently too.
What about That Sinking Feeling too......hilarious.
I remember the clowns. Every blue transit beltin down Gartloch Rd made me sh!t my pants.
It was thursday September 12, 1991 they were driving around outside Lawmuir Primary in Bellshill. I was 8 then and I can remember the letter we got given the next day about it. All the kids were running crying in the playground and we got recalled in early from lunchbreak. I dont remember much else, but anytime anyone else from the Glasgow area remembers it they are convinced they all knew a girl who got the knife smile at the time.