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Gareth1974

The Vernacular

I know we have 'The Patter' to record our venacular but it is only one edition isn't it? †I'm sure we have plenty of other words and phrases we know so maybe we can create a living dictionary of the Glasgow venacular here?

Few words sprung to mind the last gew days:

One was 'play piece' or the snack you took with you for morning playtime. †In my time it would have been crisps or chocolate; some parents would have punished their children with fruit back then as well.

Obviously it's origin would have been in a jeely or jam piece, but by the time I got to primary school you would have been laughed at for bringing that to school and regarded as impoverished or something.

I guess the origin of the word just stuck. †I don't have any children, or contact with any, so is that phrase still employed in Glasgow schools?


Another weird phrase I remember was one my mum used: The Fudgie Hoose.

It would have been a variation of 'The Big Hoose'; the euphemism for a prison. †The Fudgie Hoose however - as my mother led me to believe - was actually an electricity sub-station with barred windows and a security fence that my mum told me was actually a 'home for bad boys like the one Oliver Twist was in.' †Well this was the tale I was told every time we passed by this particular installation. †My young mind at this time was of course fed by a diet of war movies with locations like Colditz of Stalag 13 and so on.

Parent's sure do know how to frighten you don't they?

Anyone else came across the Fudgie Hoose or was it one of my mum's unique instruments of terror?
dmk

my play piece was a pack of 3 jaffa cakes placed carefully in the front pouch of my brown leather school bag
never heard of the fudgie house
to instill fear in me i was told the boogieman would come & get me

school dinners (school meals)
i've never heard them called that except by peeps from glasgow
Gareth1974

The word school dinners was usually contracted to 'dinnies.'

Sweets were sometimes called 'swedgers'

I guess mum has some questions to answer re: The Fudgie Hoose.

She can add that to the burden of betrayal she already carries with the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.
Gareth1974

'The Buffies'

' wur did ye get those lovely big steaks then?'

' oh the boys goat them oot the buffies '


I suspect this one is very parochial.

'The Buffies' was derived from the British Railway buffet cars; the ones laid up in the Polmadie Railway Yard to be more precise.

These were the targetted by the local petty criminal elements in the Toryglen area; they were regularly pillaged by them and were the source of much booty such as steaks, large catering packs of tea bags, processed cheese slices, alcohol, beer, BR first aid kits and small hand held axes.  Other wagons contained goods as well. One event of note was the acquisition of a few boxes of surgical neck collars and the apparent outbreak of broken necks that followed in the scheme.

All this booty - with the exception of the beer - would be hawked around the doors and no one would think twice about using these for your main meals.  With hindsight, it did in fact encourage criminal behaviour, and was a long way from the practise of picking-up lumps of coal that fell of the carts that we often hear of.

For many young men, pillaging the buffies was a right of passage into the world of criminality common amongst your peers then, along with participating in the territorial gang fights.  

This activity tailed-off with the construction of a more secure fence, and the advent of heroin, and other drugs, that yielded greater profits than the petty criminality of raiding the buffies.
Jock58

Hi All

One name my dad used to use was stodger  as in, you think i'm a  -- ? or don't be a ---

Never heard anyone else use that word.

jock58
Lone Groover

As far away as EX1 1BA School Dinners were School Dinners.
cheesylion

There seems to be a strange trend among current Glasgow mothers with school age weans of calling it 'dinner school' ie: "Do you want to go to dinner school or packed lunch?"
Gareth1974

We used the term 'Dinner School' too back in my day.

I guess that's where you learned to eat then.
Beano

Lone Groover wrote:
As far away as EX1 1BA School Dinners were School Dinners.
LG....yeah ah agree with that. I should also point out many kids still rely on school dinners for their main meal of the day. The company I work for also sponsor some breakfast clubs at local schools.  
Gareth1974

'I remember the old yellow 'dinner tickets; with the Strathclyde Regional Council emblem and the five sections that were supposed to be punched each day.

I was in awe when I went to secondary school and saw that the teacher actually had a little device (a hole punch to you and me) to actually punch them. †This was to prevent you coming-back for the second sitting.  It was almost as amazing as the American schools that you saw on TV where they had lockers for their stuff.

What humble beginnings!

These yellow tickets were eventually replaced with ones of the perforated type, one for each day, and this was when the mode and menu changed: the ticket was worth a certain value and you would buy your lunch according to price and pay the excess if you wished. Unfortunately this put an end to 'extras': the surplus food just given away if you were (usually) in the senior years and had to get fed on the 'second sitting.'  I guess the extras were a perk for having to wait.†

You also had to write your name on the back as they were regarded as currency by the the school bullies who were preparing for their future careers in the Bar-L.

I wonder how much money the school lost from kind-hearted dinner ladies who never collected the excess from you.
dmk

Lone Groover wrote:
As far away as EX1 1BA School Dinners were School Dinners.


oops
i should have wrote dinner school
sorry =[
dickyhart

Gareth1974 wrote:
'I remember the old yellow 'dinner tickets; with the Strathclyde Regional Council emblem and the five sections that were supposed to be punched each day.

I was in awe when I went to secondary school and saw that the teacher actually had a little device (a hole punch to you and me) to actually punch them. †This was to prevent you coming-back for the second sitting. †It was almost as amazing as the American schools that you saw on TV where they had lockers for their stuff.

What humble beginnings!

These yellow tickets were eventually replaced with ones of the perforated type, one for each day, and this was when the mode and menu changed: the ticket was worth a certain value and you would buy your lunch according to price and pay the excess if you wished. Unfortunately this put an end to 'extras': the surplus food just given away if you were (usually) in the senior years and had to get fed on the 'second sitting.' †I guess the extras were a perk for having to wait.†

You also had to write your name on the back as they were regarded as currency by the the school bullies who were preparing for their future careers in the Bar-L.

I wonder how much money the school lost from kind-hearted dinner ladies who never collected the excess from you.


I was a "Dinner Monitor" in school, my job was to punch the tickets on the way in, We got paid in extra custard!!
cybers

Nothing wrong with the DINNY Alan Wells would have been humped at Whitehill in the Pie n chips Dinny race and the pink custard and iced ginger slice was a thing of beauty... though the prunes in semolina was a bit much †
Gareth1974

steamed pudding and custard served in an institutional green melamine shallow bowl.

I get the feeling all those adjectives where the wrong order ...

... institutional green shallow melamine bowl
cybers

I seen the full plastic dinner service at the car boot in crossford a few weeks back guy wanted 20 notes for a plate cup and bowl.
dmk

pmsl i'd forgot about the green plates ....they didn't really compliment the food ;p
it's the smell of the mince & totties that killed me ....... dog food smelled better lol
cybers

I knew there was one in the house lol just went and had a dig in the loft !!!

2011-09-03 19.33.27 by David C Laurie, on Flickr
Gareth1974

mince and totties served with a single dollop of mashed tottie from the scoop.
dmk

yea i hope they cleaned it b4 they scooped out the ice cream ;p

my cousin was the lab tech in st. gregory's b4 moving to the new st.mungo's
Gareth1974

I remember when some sikh boy came our primary school and he had a salad made up for him in dinnies.  Of course that marked him out as 'different.'  

We had 6 boys called David in my class at primary school; now there's probably 6 boys in the same class called Mohammed because of the change in the demographics of the place.
hillmanimp

cybers wrote:
I seen the full plastic dinner service at the car boot in crossford a few weeks back guy wanted 20 notes for a plate cup and bowl.


cybers

Inflation is highest when nostagia is involved

Imp
cybers

hillmanimp wrote:
cybers wrote:
I seen the full plastic dinner service at the car boot in crossford a few weeks back guy wanted 20 notes for a plate cup and bowl.


cybers

Inflation is highest when nostagia is involved

Imp


Nah he was just a balloon !!!
Jester

Gareth1974 wrote:
We used the term 'Dinner School' too back in my day.

I guess that's where you learned to eat then.


Dinner school nutritious and healthy are.
Gareth1974

'Pee the bed'

Anyone ever get a dandelion thrown at them when they were a kid and the antagonist would shout ' hey you're gonna pee the bed!'

Well dandelion is corruption of the French 'dent de lion' meaning tooth of the lion - a reference to the shape.

The word 'pee the bed' comes from another name from the flower the literal translation 'pissenlit' - a reference to the fact they were used as diuretics.

I wonder if that is retained in the venacular because of our link with the French during the European wars?†

We also have 'loo' from 'Gardez l'eau'

I also think that the phrase 'plain or pan' when referring to bread is a reference to the French word 'pain' implying the differences in the style of bread.

We also used to do this thing with the dandelions:

'Mary Queen of Scots got her head chopp-ed ... off!'

On the last word we would pop the head of the dandelion off with a flick of our thumbs.

Anyone else do that?

Anyone else know any words or phrases that may be vestiges of the Auld Alliance?
Coliboy

Gareth1974 wrote:


Anyone else know any words or phrases that may be vestiges of the Auld Alliance?


There must be hundreds! But from the tap o' ma heid:

Ashet - as in Ashet Pie, steak or steak & kidney pie cooked in a dish. From the french "assiette" for "plate"

Cahoochy, from the French "caoutchouc" (rubber).

Tassie (cup) from french "tasse".

"Go, fetch to me a pint o' wine,
And fill it in a silver tassie,
That I may drink before I go
A service to my bonie lassie!"
† † † † † † † † † † † † † † †~Burns

Pissenlit was a new one to me - now safely filed away in my knowledge bank of things to bore people with!  
Gareth1974

Quote:
Cahoochy, from the French "caoutchouc" (rubber).



caoutchouc refers specfically to the sap collected from the trees that makes the rubber.  There is also the French synonym 'gomme.'

'Gommie' was a word we often used to insult someone, i.e. call them a 'spastic' a reference to palsy or whatever - implying that they were made of rubber.

'Menage' - the money scheme from the French word simply meaning group.

I'm sure some of these French phrases possibly entered through Standard English, that employs french phrases a lot, and not all of them came from the presence of the French in Scotland.
Doorstop

hillmanimp

Gareth1974 wrote:
'Pee the bed'

Anyone ever get a dandelion thrown at them when they were a kid and the antagonist would shout ' hey you're gonna pee the bed!'

Well dandelion is corruption of the French 'dent de lion' meaning tooth of the lion - a reference to the shape.

The word 'pee the bed' comes from another name from the flower the literal translation 'pissenlit' - a reference to the fact they were used as diuretics.

I wonder if that is retained in the venacular because of our link with the French during the European wars?†

We also have 'loo' from 'Gardez l'eau'

I also think that the phrase 'plain or pan' when referring to bread is a reference to the French word 'pain' implying the differences in the style of bread.

We also used to do this thing with the dandelions:

'Mary Queen of Scots got her head chopp-ed ... off!'

On the last word we would pop the head of the dandelion off with a flick of our thumbs.

Anyone else do that?

Anyone else know any words or phrases that may be vestiges of the Auld Alliance?


Gareth

Never heard the one about pee the bed, but head chopped off was common!

Imp
hillmanimp

Doorstop wrote:


DS

Brilliant

Imp
Lone Groover

My Mrs just cheerilly remined me of some Glasgow vernacular.

"Away an' throw sh!te at yersell" she mentioned  
Doorstop

cybers

Lone Groover wrote:
My Mrs just cheerilly reminded me of some Glasgow vernacular.

"Away an' throw sh!te at yersell" she mentioned †

Now that sir is nothing short of inspired  
cybers

Hows about
"Your claimed ya bastard"
"Your fuckin Teas oot"
"Get intae um"
"Mon Then"

Doorstop



Funny though .. I've never heard the "You're claimed" battle cry outside of tv shows and here.

I know it *was* used but I've never actually heard it.
cybers

Heard it a few times outside boozers on Duke St normally the older patrons that used it but think for dramatic effect while they threw some of those swimming without water punches drunks are good at ...

Not a ned in sight BTW lets just make that clear no burberry wearing youth looking to intimidate the local populous no tracky wearing scoundrels with big blades. Just two guys settling a pub politic bar room argument.
Doorstop

Beano

As a kid the first time ah seen "the Glesga Kiss" wiz in the Gallowgate, Heid meets nose wi tremendous force an almighty crack as the punters nose broke an everytime ah see "The Highlander" film it brings back the memory of that night   btw he looked jist like that mad bassa  
cybers

First time i seen it was outside The Grange on the Gallowgate i know the two participants well kinda same lines as yours but the protagonist and thrower of the Nut got wellied up and doon Holywell Street for his trouble by the reciever of said Nut.

N.B
No Neds, Casuals or other bams were harmed or indeed involved in the re-telling of this post about real life and pub arguments,
Beano

cybers wrote:
First time i seen it was outside The Grange on the Gallowgate i know the two participants well kinda same lines as yours but the protagonist and thrower of the Nut got wellied up and doon Holywell Street for his trouble by the reciever of said Nut.

N.B
No Neds, Casuals or other bams were harmed or indeed involved in the re-telling of this post about real life and pub arguments,
yup cybers...toe- tae- toe the real  man's way nae gangs involved mate.
cybers

The two involved were my Uncles    Perr of stand up bams of the highest order They ran with the gangs as they lived in Barrowfield and it would have been rude not to, but this was just a square Jig between two brothers and lets face it who's never fell oot with sibling.
Its not all doom and gloom and neds like some of the "Visit Edinburgh" employees would have yi believe.
Doorstop

Beano

 
Jagz1876

Beano wrote:
As a kid the first time ah seen "the Glesga Kiss" wiz in the Gallowgate:

When i was growing up in Castlemilk in the 60s, we called it a Gorbals kiss, (i still do),  Was it called that all over the city at that time? and did it change to Glasgow kiss when it was used in popular TV shows in the 70s/80s like The Sweeney and Minder.
Beano

Jagz1876 wrote:
Beano wrote:
As a kid the first time ah seen "the Glesga Kiss" wiz in the Gallowgate:

When i was growing up in Castlemilk in the 60s, we called it a Gorbals kiss, (i still do), †Was it called that all over the city at that time? and did it change to Glasgow kiss when it was used in popular TV shows in the 70s/80s like The Sweeney and Minder.
Jagz mate ye could be right we jist cauld it a heid butt  
Gareth1974

Or a stookie!
Jagz1876

Beano wrote:
Jagz1876 wrote:
Beano wrote:
As a kid the first time ah seen "the Glesga Kiss" wiz in the Gallowgate:

When i was growing up in Castlemilk in the 60s, we called it a Gorbals kiss, (i still do), †Was it called that all over the city at that time? and did it change to Glasgow kiss when it was used in popular TV shows in the 70s/80s like The Sweeney and Minder.
Jagz mate ye could be right we jist cauld it a heid butt †

That's true Beano, we used Heid Butt as well, then there was also the good old fashioned, Stick the heid oan him.
Beano

Jagz1876 wrote:
Beano wrote:
Jagz1876 wrote:
Beano wrote:
As a kid the first time ah seen "the Glesga Kiss" wiz in the Gallowgate:

When i was growing up in Castlemilk in the 60s, we called it a Gorbals kiss, (i still do), †Was it called that all over the city at that time? and did it change to Glasgow kiss when it was used in popular TV shows in the 70s/80s like The Sweeney and Minder.
Jagz mate ye could be right we jist cauld it a heid butt †

That's true Beano, we used Heid Butt as well, then there was also the good old fashioned, Stick the heid oan him.
Doorstop

The Jaggy Bunnet!!
Jagz1876

Doorstop wrote:
The Jaggy Bunnet!!

Was that not when ye got a Big Screwtap ower the heid.
My the intellectual debate's we get on this site.  
yokerbrian

Beano wrote:
Jagz1876 wrote:
Beano wrote:
Jagz1876 wrote:
Beano wrote:
As a kid the first time ah seen "the Glesga Kiss" wiz in the Gallowgate:

When i was growing up in Castlemilk in the 60s, we called it a Gorbals kiss, (i still do), †Was it called that all over the city at that time? and did it change to Glasgow kiss when it was used in popular TV shows in the 70s/80s like The Sweeney and Minder.
Jagz mate ye could be right we jist cauld it a heid butt †

That's true Beano, we used Heid Butt as well, then there was also the good old fashioned, Stick the heid oan him.


Gie ye the Malky
sputnik

if at first you dont succeed............two wi the boot and wan wi the heid.
discominer

Doorstop wrote:
The Jaggy Bunnet!!


Was the jaggy bunnet not coined by Billy Connolly for the crown of thorns in his Crucifixion sketch? I'd never heard of it before then.
Doorstop

I'd always heard .. and used the term myself .. to represent a head-butt.

I've heard others use it for the "Carlsberg Cosh" though.

Urban Dictionary has it as a head butt ... http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jaggy%20bunnet
Beano

Big Stuff... keep yer sex life oot o'this
Doorstop wrote:
The Jaggy Bunnet!!
 
Doorstop

cybers

Ahm fuckin Baltic
Haw you ya Balloon
Bowfin
Pure Glaikit
Ya Bampot
Bumpin yir gums
The Bar-l
Ya Bawbag
Dreepin a wah
Bawjawz
Shows yir boaby
Pure Boggin
An then yir arse fell aff
Awright Cunty Baws
Ya Dancer yi
The Dugs Baws
Yir Erse
a good boot in yir haw maws
Gies a sook ay yir joobly
Doorstop

Dunderheid.
Jagz1876

Yer maw's a hing oot.
Gareth1974

What the hell does 'better than a rub doon wi' a pun a frozen mince mean?'
Gareth1974

'Do you think I came up the Clyde in a banana boat?

A phrase often spoken by parents when their child delivers some fantastical excuse for their actons or behaviour.

When my mum delivered that line i always had images of a banana-shaped boat, much like an open canoe, being rowed up the Clyde. †I would think of Billy Connolly and his big banana feet and just thought it was a similar piece of comedic imaginary.

It does of course refer to the fact that the banana boats would have come from S. America/Caribbean/Africa, probably would have been crewed by blacks and therefore the implication made that they were of lower intelligence.

Obviously has it's roots in perceptions of race contemporary with the era in which the phrase was coined.

I've seen this phrase used, on TV and in books, with the omission of the word 'banana' and somehow it just doesn't work.

Reminds me of a story about the black circus boxer, Pasha Liffey, †who was hanged for murder in Duke St. Prison in 1905. †At the summing-up the Counsel for the prosecution stated that he was ' practically of savage race.'

I think the link below may explain some of the contemporary attitudes that may have been behind the formulation of this phrase:

https://dspace.stir.ac.uk/bitstream/1893/1069/1/TCBHamendedversion.pdf
cybers

Aye Bumble Jai
Talking oot yir erse
The Saft Shoe Shuffle
The Jiggin
Wally dugs
Potless
Nae a pot tae piss in
Keeping the edgy
Stoat the baw
Sayin mer thin yir prayers
Plooky
Cardboard Gangster
Shitkickers

Oh and a wee hauf boattil of Sterrheed dynamite and hawf a dozen cans of smash the hoose juice.
Electric Soup - Eldorado Energy drink of the fighting man now replaced by the trendy Buckfast ... Probably cos it has the easier to hold neck for coshing yir drinkin pardnerz ower the dome
Jagz1876

Gareth1974 wrote:
'Do you think I came up the Clyde in a banana boat?

I've seen this phrase used, on TV and in books, with the omission of the word 'banana' and somehow it just doesn't work.


D'ye think a came up the clyde oan a watter biscuit?
cybers

Old favourite of my maw when i telt her we were "not" playing in the Offal works  
hillmanimp

Gareth1974 wrote:
What the hell does 'better than a rub doon wi' a pun a frozen mince mean?'


Gareth

I haven't heard that one before.  

I heard these used in England  

"Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" and "Better than a slap in the face with a wet fish".

Usually used when something has gone mildly wrong to show one is grateful it wasn't worse.  I assume the mince one is the same.

Imp
Doog Doog

Mind ma maw telling me (often) as a wean that ma room was like Anniker's midden.

One fae school: Yir maws goat baws and yir da loves it!
cybers

Doog Doog wrote:
Mind ma maw telling me (often) as a wean that ma room was like Anniker's midden.



Heard that a few times masel Doog... Turned oot "Anna Kerr" was a sausage maker whose bins were full of bones ...

Doorstop

Ooh excellent Cybers sir .. I've often wondered about the origins of that one.
nellienaeneck

ANNICKERíS MIDDEN, n. also Annackerís midden. A mess, dreadful muddle. [
   prob. f. Annackerís, a Glasgow pork butcher from 1853 to 1942; their messy bins were frequently
cybers

Ma Granny telt me that when i asked her at a perty and i was pure pished

I did it to try to get her to stop singing "Toiny Bubbeaaalz" and ended up pure fascinated by this wee wummins tales of sufferin and her insight into life in the slums... sorry Grandiose Tenements with the ootside lavvy and wandering doonstairs with a full chanty po !!! they never tell yi that in the rose tinted books away tae empty yir big curly tom tit first thing in the morning.

Though she did have many happy tales too It was just weird listening to this little old ladies dreams and aspirations and why she gave them all up and i suppose up until that time i just assumed she was born old i suppose and never really seen her as her own person just she was always my granny.

Her favourite saying was
"Puckin 2 ears wan moof puckin use em in that puckin order"

She swore better wae her teef in !!!
nellienaeneck

   
yokerbrian

nellienaeneck wrote:
ANNICKERíS MIDDEN, n. also Annackerís midden. A mess, dreadful muddle. [
† †prob. f. Annackerís, a Glasgow pork butcher from 1853 to 1942; their messy bins were frequently


Probably from A Knacker's Yard = slaughter house
nellienaeneck

think it was a sausage factory in the maryhill area. if i remember right .
cybers

Yir arse in a sling
cruisin fur a bruisin


"kick seven shades of sh!t out yi"

As a wee asides my mates maw got into a fight with new neighbours in about 1980 in Barrowfield the council had housed this big French bull dyke and her wee scrawny lover in Dalserf Street (What were they thinking)
The big bull started in on my wee mate because the toes were out his shoes and the erse was out his jeans .... "His efter school playin claiz"

This went on for about a week till his maw heard it, a big buxom wummin only daughter in a family of eight and probably a formidable middle-wieght in that hoose... Did she not blooter the utter sh!te out of said damsel when olive oil decided to get involved so she raggy-dolled baith of them throwing them about the street like wet towels on laundry day when the big dyke started shouting "Parlez, Parlez PARLEZ"

English was never really the first language of the scheme so wit this woman was thinking of shouting in french one will never know.
Big Donna just carried right on wellying in, shoutin "THURS NAE fecking PARLEZ HERE YA C***"
Always wondered why Paul Young never had that on his album cover after all he did do "Love of the Common People"

Who needed a stolen telly when yi hud that fur entertainment †
Doorstop



Brilliant .. only in Glesga.  
nellienaeneck

     love it
cybers

Och the scheme was full of wee things like that no on a daily basis just wee things that are funny now but probably were not at the time.
Gareth1974

Black Hack taxis driver turning up en masse whenever a colleague got into trouble - usually a passenger refusing to pay - was a common site.

Would be the same Black Hack drivers you saw taking the handicapped kids from Hampden School to the seaside, with their taxis decked out in streamers and balloons, on their annual trip.
cybers

Always amazed how many witnesses there was when i crashed into one down the back of Charles St .... Fecker pulled right out the flats car park right in front of me ... next thing there was about 10 of them there  
hillmanimp

cybers wrote:
Always amazed how many witnesses there was when i crashed into one down the back of Charles St .... Fecker pulled right out the flats car park right in front of me ... next thing there was about 10 of them there †


Aye!  An they all saw it, an you were to blame

Imp
clarkfield

yokerbrian wrote:
nellienaeneck wrote:
ANNICKERíS MIDDEN, n. also Annackerís midden. A mess, dreadful muddle. [
† †prob. f. Annackerís, a Glasgow pork butcher from 1853 to 1942; their messy bins were frequently


Probably from A Knacker's Yard = slaughter house


There's a photo in VM of Annacker's butcher shop in Pollokshaws Road.
Jagz1876

cybers wrote:
Always amazed how many witnesses there was when i crashed into one down the back of Charles St .... Fecker pulled right out the flats car park right in front of me ... next thing there was about 10 of them there †

You were going too fast, driving without due care and attention, i was dropping off in East Kilbride and saw everything
cybers

Well yi saw mer than me I shut ma eyes lol ... probably driving to fast right enough and the big Traffic cop told all the taxi boys to get to fcuk or they were getting the jail ... it was pretty obvious what happened... Insurance company still bent me over the next year even though it was a non-fault claim. Was already getting pumped just for being 17.
Gareth1974

I remember I got hit by a black taxi under the Hielenman's Umbrella when I was about 9. †

We used to get transcards and run around the city with my big brothers and their friends. †The 89/90 Inner Circle was a popular run - I used to go on that with my Grandad. †When he wasn't in the Beacon Bar in Prospecthill Circus that is!

I had caught a 12 up to Argyle Street and was about to jump across the road to get the train to Rutherglen from Central low-level. †

I ran between two parked cars and there was a big whack, there was all this screaming, I spun around and, still standing, looked down into the gutter where there was a wing mirror and my Kicker shoe that had come off as I spun around. †I just picked up my shoe and ran back to the road where I was promptly dumped in a chair by some shop staff. †I still remember the collar number of the nice WPC that attended to me: it was 154!

All that happened to me was I got a laceration to my elbow, scraped face and bruising down one side of my body.

The poor guy that hit me turned up at my house the next day, white as a sheet and shaking.

Me? †I was a few doors down having fun at a birthday party - couldn't care less!
cybers

Och as weans we were aw a wee bit rubberish ... Got knocked aff my bike by a drunk and no a mark on me ... bike was totalled i skidded down the street on my arse and all i had to show for my troubles was the sole aff a trainer and a hole in the erse of my trousers. The bastard that hit me kept going but he never took into account the photographic memory of the wee guy he hit !!!
Gareth1974

I never broke any bones as a kid; unlike the rest of my friends. †Every time a classmate broke an arm or whatever the teachers would use it as an excuse for a class project depicting the events leading up to it in the shape of a mock newspaper report complete with drawn in portrait rendered in crayon.

I've been hit three times by a car - that time and when I was about 22 when some stupid women took the wrong lane to turn and knocked me off my bike breaking my arm.

The bint drove off and left me but I memorised her reggie plate; she got apprehended, plead guilty and I got £3000 in compensation.

Weird thing was about two weeks before it happened I got a phone call from Knightswood Secondaryl. †It was the head of the PE Department saying he had found a set of keys with this phone number on it and if I knew anything about it. †His name was Iain Anderson or something.

When I got knocked-off my bike there was another cyclist behind me; he said he saw everything and that I could cite him as a witness if need be.

I asked him what his name was and he said, 'Iain Anderson, just contact Knightswood Secondary if you need to, I'm the Head of the PE Department.'

I was to dazed to mention the weird coincidence and to this day I have no idea who's keys they were as no one i my family had lost a set!

I was also 'hit' by a car door about two years ago when some idiot opened his door on me as I was speeding past him. †Knocked me right off my bike, sent me spinning right round and the back of my head smashed right off the road. †Luckily i was wearing my helmet and the force of the impact cleaved it open right up the back. †I've kept it as a momento.

I think the guy wasn't paying attention as when I was sitting in the back of his car his wife, who was sitting in the passenger seat, kept asking what was going on. †It turns out she had a series of strokes in the past and had no ability to form short-term memories. †I can imagine he must have had a stressful life, probably accounted for his lapse in concentration - I think he was in mid-sentence as he opened his door, so I never bothered pursuing any claim for some fictitious injury because I can imagine it would have just hiked up his insurance premium.
Jagz1876

Gareth1974 wrote:
I remember I got hit by a black taxi under the Hielenman's Umbrella when I was about 9. †


You'll be getting hit by another one if you cross the road in front of me
By the way taxi's don't knock you down, they pick you up
Gareth1974

Ah ye'll need to find out who I am first ...

hint ... I cycle and wear a yellow hi-vis.

That narrows it down eh?  
Jagz1876

Gareth1974 wrote:
Ah ye'll need to find out who I am first
     
Cybers will tell me, i here you two like nothing better than to meet up for a drink and swap manbag story's  
cybers

 
Seriously though yir pick up line was inspired bravo Black Knight of the Road
hillmanimp

cybers wrote:
Always amazed how many witnesses there was when i crashed into one down the back of Charles St .... Fecker pulled right out the flats car park right in front of me ... next thing there was about 10 of them there †


Something similar happened to a olleague of mine, but it was a council lorry turning into a council depot.

It was on a road he didn't know well.  This lorry was travelling relatively slowly, nothing coming the other way, so he overtook it.  He's about 1/2 way past the lorry when it steers to the right and whacks into him, knocking his car off the road.  The lorry had swung right to make a left turn.  Obviously hadn't checked his mirrors.

By the time my colleague got out of his car, there were a dozen council employees vouching that he had hit the lorry.

He went back a couple of days later to take some photos!  Lo and behold, the council had put up signs warning of a hidden entrance, and painted appropriate lines on the road!  No hope left

As Churchhill said "History shall treat me kindly, for I shall write it!"

Imp
Gareth1974

Jagz1876 wrote:
Gareth1974 wrote:
Ah ye'll need to find out who I am first
† † †
Cybers will tell me, i here you two like nothing better than to meet up for a drink and swap manbag story's †


Would be manbags at 20 twenty paces ... we need ajudicator to ensure no bricks are hidden in said bags.
cybers

Gareth1974 wrote:
Jagz1876 wrote:
Gareth1974 wrote:
Ah ye'll need to find out who I am first
† † †
Cybers will tell me, i here you two like nothing better than to meet up for a drink and swap manbag story's †


Would be manbags at 20 twenty paces ... we need ajudicator to ensure no bricks are hidden in said bags.


Och ah would let yi keep yir brick
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