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The Joke Thread
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Alycidon
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Joined: 24 Aug 2007
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Location: Eaglesham

PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 8:35 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

Somewhere in Ireland a teacher asks her class:

"Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend? "


Young Paddy raises his hand and says, "Trudy Glenn Miss”.


"No Paddy ," says the teacher. "The answer is Maid Marion ".


“But Miss, what about that song we used to sing:

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‘Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn’”.



You’re singing this as you read it aren’t you ???
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fastnet
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Joined: 26 Oct 2008
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Location: On ma arse, In ma hoose.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

What's the difference between a hooker, your girlfriend, and your wife?






When you're having sex a hooker says "are you done yet?"




Your girlfriend says "you're done already?"






And your wife says "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."
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Alycidon
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Location: Eaglesham

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2016 4:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

Why should you never wear underwear made in Ukraine?

Chernobyl Fallout!
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Vinny the Mackem
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Joined: 08 Dec 2009
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Location: Glasgow

PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

Alycidon wrote:
Why should you never wear underwear made in Ukraine?

Chernobyl Fallout!

Topical!  
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Glasgow Loon
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Joined: 10 Sep 2010
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Location: Heckmondwike

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2016 10:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

The England football team didn't vote in the EU Referendum. They couldn't even find the box, nevermind put a cross in it.
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Alycidon
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

With many predicting war with Russia following Brexit, the British Military have been reassessing their Nuclear options.  Trident may be scrapped after all, as to maximise destruction of Russian assets all they need to do is put a warhead in a taxi and send it to Chelsea.
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Alycidon
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

With many predicting war with Russia following Brexit, the British Military have been reassessing their Nuclear options.  Trident may be scrapped after all, as to maximise destruction of Russian assets all they need to do is put a warhead in a taxi and send it to Chelsea.
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Alycidon
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2016 7:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

If you type 'lost medieval servant boy' into Google, do you get the response 'page not found'?
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Alycidon
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2016 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

Couldn't be arsed watching the Olympic opening ceremony on Friday.

If I wanted to watch 700 people walking around in tracksuits, I'd go and spend the day at Govan Cross.


Two blondes went to the motor show in Birmingham and spent 5 hours walking around the car park
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Alycidon
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2016 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to Mods

Michael Caine throws a party,all of the beautiful people are there,The Beatles,The Stones,Jim Morrison and the boys from the group,Mary Quant,Twiggy the lot.After an hour or so he sees Jim Morrison and the boys leaving,so he goes up to him and asks what's wrong.Jim tells him that it's a 'drag' and they're going.Caine calls over a beautiful groupie and having whispered in her ear she,Jim and the group go off into a bedroom.An hour or so later everyone emerges with big smiles all round and rejoin the party.Some time later Caine sees the groupie in animated conversation with Ringo and decides to keep an eye on the situation.Shortly afterwards he sees Ringo and the groupie about to sneak off into a bedroom and annoyed he shouts over to her,'Oi,you were only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!'

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