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For information past, present & future on the city of Glasgow, Scotland, UK
The Joke Thread
Post your jokes here.

REMEMBER NO RACISM, NO SECTARIANISM and MAKE IT FUNNY....

heres mine (courtesy of my sister)


Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.


Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,


'You Sign! You sign!'


Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.


The next day he hears a knock at the door again.


When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.


He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,


'You sign! You sign!'


Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:


'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.


The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.


On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,


'You sign! You sign!'


Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.


This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:


'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'


The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:



Spoiler:

'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

The Joke Thread
cracker
The Joke Thread
By the way there's a wee trick that works on this forum for Jokes and stuff,
Write your joke as normal but put the anwer like this (In Green):-
Code:
[Spoiler]Joke Ansewer[/spoiler]


It will come out like this:-

23 people have been found Glued to the walls of a bus in Iraq.....
Spoiler:

Police Believe it's the first in a series of NO MORE NAILS BOMBS!!!

The Joke Thread
done its BE cheers
The Joke Thread
An Irishman and his wife were fed up never gettin any sleep cos the neighbours dug was left out in their back yard to bark all night.

At the end of his tether halfway through another bark disturbed nights sleep Paddy stormed out of his bed and downstairs.

He returned after 5 minutes and Bernadette said "Where have you been?"

"Oi grabbed that fecking dog and stuck him in moi back yard - see how that fecker next door loikes it"
The Joke Thread
What's the difference between a Ned and a coconut?
Spoiler:

One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut

The Joke Thread
Oooooh that's clever!
The Joke Thread
From my sister again



A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his

flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he

picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange,

disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, 'Jesus

is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his

flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his

head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out

so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard, 'Jesus is watching you.'


Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,

looking for the source of the voice.


Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight

beam came to rest on a parrot.


Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.


'Yep,' the parrot confessed, and then squawked, 'I'm

just trying to warn you.'


The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world

are you?'


'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people
would name a bird Moses?'

Spoiler:

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

The Joke Thread
How do you do that spoiler thing, I'm awffy impressed
The Joke Thread
scallopboy wrote:
How do you do that spoiler thing, I'm awffy impressed


here's how scally.....

Big Eck wrote:
By the way there's a wee trick that works on this forum for Jokes and stuff,
Write your joke as normal but put the anwer like this (In Green):-
Code:
[Spoiler]Joke Ansewer[/spoiler]


It will come out like this:-

23 people have been found Glued to the walls of a bus in Iraq.....
Spoiler:

Police Believe it's the first in a series of NO MORE NAILS BOMBS!!!



Big Eck is useful for summit



(thats me banned)
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