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Doorstop · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 12:24 pm Post subject: Black Dog.

I think I may be heading for a bout of depression.

I've thought this for a while now, ever since I had my accident and lost the proper use of my left hand.

Things don't look as if they are getting any better, the hand is still barely functional .. only my thumb and first two fingers having any range of worthwhile movement (I can grip with those digits to about 30% of my previous strength) with my remaining fingers remaining numb and completely outside my full control.

The little finger is especially infuriating as it has donned a life all of its own refusing to straighten and (on a arbitrarily random basis) curling itself up into a ball against my palm and having to be manually extended using the other hand.

Also, as the outside two digits have no strength or control either laterally or vertically, I am dropping things left, right and centre .. simple things like pens or a screwdriver are not a problem (dropping items like these is usually inconsequential), but when I forget and throw my dinner all over the carpet because that hand won't lift the plate any more it starts to infuriate me.

The rage never completely subsides .. it merely fades into disappointment and sadness as it looks increasingly likely that the appendage is never going to get back to its former level of function.

All in all the hand is basically useless for work as a) I don't have the dexterity for fine manipultion of tools / materials etc and b) the reduction in strength in the hand makes it dangerous for me to carry tools and materials to any height without endangering my surroundings and any work colleagues working alongside me.

In short, I have turned into a liability doing any job I am capable and qualified to do.

I am at a loss as to what to do next, at the moment I am in the fortunate position of having third party sickness/unemployment insurance covering my time off but that only has 3 months to go on full pay, 6 at half .. I can't afford to retrain - I don't want to anyway, but I realistically can't negate the subject either.

I have no idea what I could possibly do as an alternative career other than go back on the doors full time, but that being a chapter of my life I was glad to leave behind I'm not too sure how long I could do it again before becoming jaded and cynical once more .. and there is nothing, nothing worse than having to do a job that you absolutely, totally, physically hate. I know as I was a steward far, far longer than I should have but it may well prove a last resort.

Unless, of course , I face reality and adopt and embrace my 'disability' and find some coping strategies round it which would allow me to continue work as an electrician .. difficult to comprehend this option as I threw a hissy fit at the weekend fixing my old Pops' three way lighting circuit on his stairwell at the weekend.

He had attempted to change his switches to chrome jobbers and forgot to mark the cores while disconnecting things. I knew exactly what went where after a few quick manual touching together of cores but could I get my bloody fingers to hold switches, screws, cabling etc. to reconnect anything?

Could I buggery!!

I'm afraid I let loose a few choice sweary words within earshot of my neices and ended up having to get my brother to hold the switchplates and cores in their proper places while I tightened the grub screws.

I can't possibly ask someone to do that for me on site .. hence, the appearance of my Black Dog.

I'm now sick of snivelling like a big girl .. and the sun is over the yard-arm, so I am going to get drunk and shout "BOLLOCKS!" to my diabetes and passers by from my balcony.

The End.
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cybers · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 2:01 pm Post subject:

Jesus m8...
Have you recieved any counselling ? I could not start to comprehend the loss of motor skills but I can feel your pain.

It's alright saying buck up and it will all come right in the end but sometimes there is no end in sight and for the sufferer it is indeed a challenge to keep the hopes up.

This is one of those times that where nothing that is said will make any difference to how you are feeling.

As for the doors .... most of the people i know who worked security all seem to be battling some form of depression brought about by the stress of the job and having to deal with the aftermath of a fools night out.
Big strong guys put big strong faces on for the outside world !!!

Hope your cloud passes soon and you can see the way forward !!!
Regards
Cybers
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Alex Glass · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:09 pm Post subject:

Doorstop

I don't know that anything I can say would help in your situation. I wish I could do something that would help you. I am sure there are other jobs that you could do that don't require manual dexterity.

Don't know if you have thought about seeking advice about options for a change in career but this may be the time to speak with someone who would be able to advise you on this front.

If there is anything I can do by way of reference please let me know.

Best of luck over the next few months I am sure there is some work out there that you would enjoy and be good at.
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HollowHorn · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 8:38 pm Post subject:

Don't know if the money would suit you, but Retail is a grand job if you enjoy working with people.
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falseface · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:09 pm Post subject:

Have you thought of doing a bit of volunteering work? You would be surprised how much practical and life skills you can pass on.
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glasgowken · Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 12:10 am Post subject:

Sorry about what happened Doorstop.

There are other opportunities out there, training etc, the jobcentre is only one place to try.
If you fancy admin training I know some decent places which sometimes offer opportunities solely to folk with disabilities, getting experience and qualifications, etc, some even offer full pay at the same time.

Doorstop · Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:19 pm Post subject:

Crikey .. I've not been on here for ages.

My compy forgot my password and as a) I hadn't written it down anywhere and b) had ran through my usual passwords, all to no avail I had kind of given up hope when I clicked on this afternoon and, lo and behold, the Compy had remembered it again.

Strange.

Anyway .. thanks very much for your comments and sympathy guys, especially the kind offer of a reference from Alex (I may take you up on that at some point mate.) .. very nice thoughts along with some very thought provoking suggestions.

The hand is pretty much the same but I'm sort of adapting to the inability to use the thing as I used to .. slowly but surely I'm finding new ways to do old things (keep it clean HH) so the future may not be as bleak as I had it painted.

Time will tell .. thanks again guys.
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samscafeamericain · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 5:33 am Post subject:

Doorstop · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 8:01 pm Post subject:

I did look into college work briefly, but the only posts I could get without gaining some sort of teaching qualification would be technician .. and if I was competent at that job I reckon I could still be grafting.

I would seriously look at gaining teaching qualifications if I could find an appropriate route of edification.
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Alex Glass · Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 7:46 pm Post subject:

Maybe an idea to contact your local Regeneration Agency Doorstop. They may be able to provide you with some assistance to get the qualifications.

If you need any help on that front let me know.
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